Stalking

Two questions asked in the lecture were:

When does a concerned interest in someone’s activities become stalking?

Are some kinds of observance allowable and appropriate? Which ones aren’t?

First of all, a concerned interest, to me, is being aware of what someone is doing because they tell you, not trying to "find out" yourself, behind their back, which is stalking. Except if you are arranging a surprise party for them, or something like that?! I think that if you are going through someones phone or emails then you shouldn't be with them.

Having said that, if someone has been truly suspicious, like leaving condoms in a pocket, calling you by another name, that kind of thing, I can understand people wanting to check up someone.

I know someone who was married for over 20 years, 3 children, who found a hotel reciept in her husbands pocket while doing the washing, (cliche I know, but true,) and subsequently found out (his confession) that he had a secret double life (for the last 10 years) as a man who had sex with other men in the local park. This one guy had been special, so they got a hotel.

If she had been the kind of person who had checked where he was all the time, he would have been caught sooner. He apparently actually said to her: "You didn't check where I was, you just believed me" as if he thought that she should have been checking up on where he said he was!

Maybe for some people, stalking is a game that they enjoy playing. Perhaps for some people it also has nothing to do with the person they are stalking but may be down to their lack of confidence in themselves, the other person or the relationship.